OUCH!
Thank you Sharon.
Lexiphi (i.e., "lovers of words" - you know. . . like, you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish. . . or, I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. . . then it hit me. . . etc.).
Well, here are some for you to enjoy. . .
To write with a broken pencil is . . . pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes . . . take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar . . . got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , . . . U.C.L.A.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes . . . was on shaky ground.
The batteries were given out . . . free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a . . . dead giveaway.
If you don't pay your exorcist . . . you can get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name . .. . and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you . . . A-flat miner.
You are stuck with your debt if . . . you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia : . . . The LAN down under.
A boiled egg is . . . hard to beat.
When you've seen one shopping center . . . you've seen a mall.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was . . . resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? . . . He's all right now.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could . . .. jog your memory.
A bicycle can't stand alone; . . . it is two tired.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, . . . it's your Count that votes.
When a clock is hungry . . .. it goes back four seconds
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine . . . was fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory . . . which was never developed.
Those who get too big for their britches will be . .. . exposed in the end.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, . . . she thought she'd dye.
Acupuncture: . . . a jab well done.
Thank you Sharon again!
Don't laugh too hard. If you don't understand this now, you will in a few years...
When asked by a young patrol officer "Do you know you were speeding?
This 83-year-old woman talked herself out of a ticket by stating...
"Yes, but I had to get there before I forgot where I was going."
WHY NOT TO OWN A GUN - Thank you Jerry As the Cracker Crumbles
http://tinyurl.com/5wu6wxe
Thanks - I think - Jerry
A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday
after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second
Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks
for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they
asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't
talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much
to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his
wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...
after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second
Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks
for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they
asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't
talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much
to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his
wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...
Read out loud the text inside the triangle below.
More than likely you said, 'A bird in the bush,'! And. ....... If this IS what YOU said, then you failed to see That the word THE is repeated twice! Sorry, look again.
Thought for today:
The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.
- James Oppenheim
No comments:
Post a Comment